If it hadn't been for the inscrutable workings of Providence

　　"If it hadn't been for the inscrutable workings of Providence, whichhas a mania for upsetting everything, all would have been well. Infact, all was well till you found out.""Always the way," said Ukridge sadly. "Always the way.""You young blackguard!"He managed to slip past me, and made for the shore.
　　"Look at the thing from the standpoint of a philosopher, old horse,"urged Ukridge, splashing after him. "The fact that the rescue wasarranged oughtn't to matter. I mean to say, you didn't know it at thetime, so, relatively, it was not, and you were genuinely saved from awatery grave and all that sort of thing."I had not imagined Ukridge capable of such an excursion intometaphysics. I saw the truth of his line of argument so clearly thatit seemed to me impossible for anyone else to get confused over it. Ihad certainly pulled the professor out of the water, and the fact thatI had first caused him to be pushed in had nothing to do with thecase. Either a man is a gallant rescuer or he is not a gallantrescuer. There is no middle course. I had saved his life--for he wouldcertainly have drowned if left to himself--and I was entitled to hisgratitude. That was all there was to be said about it.
　　These things both Ukridge and I tried to make plain as we swam along.
　　But whether it was that the salt water he had swallowed had dulled theprofessor's normally keen intelligence or that our power of stating acase was too weak, the fact remains that he reached the beach anunconvinced man.
　　"Then may I consider," I said, "that your objections are removed? Ihave your consent?"He stamped angrily, and his bare foot came down on a small, sharppebble. With a brief exclamation he seized his foot in one hand andhopped up the beach. While hopping, he delivered his ultimatum.
　　Probably the only instance on record of a father adopting thisattitude in dismissing a suitor.
　　"You may not!" he cried. "You may consider no such thing. Myobjections were never more absolute. You detain me in the water, sir,till I am blue, sir, blue with cold, in order to listen to the mostpreposterous and impudent nonsense I ever heard."This was unjust. If he had listened attentively from the first andavoided interruptions and had not behaved like a submarine we shouldhave got through the business in half the time.
　　I said so.
　　"Don't talk to me, sir," he replied, hobbling off to his dressing-tent. "I will not listen to you. I will have nothing to do with you. Iconsider you impudent, sir.""I assure you it was unintentional.""Isch!" he said--being the first occasion and the last on which I haveever heard that remarkable monosyllable proceed from the mouth of aman. And he vanished into his tent.
　　"Laddie," said Ukridge solemnly, "do you know what I think?""Well?""You haven't clicked, old horse!" said Ukridge.
Chapter 20 Scientific Golf
People are continually writing to the papers--or it may be onesolitary enthusiast who writes under a number of pseudonyms--on thesubject of sport, and the over-doing of the same by the modern youngman. I recall one letter in which "Efficiency" gave it as his opinionthat if the Young Man played less golf and did more drill, he would beall the better for it. I propose to report my doings with theprofessor on the links at some length, in order to refute this absurdview. Everybody ought to play golf, and nobody can begin it too soon.